Dear ice cream,

You're seriously issue-matic.

You're so... tempting.

But so, so bad for me.

I wish I could just live on ice cream.

But that would make me die.

And it would really suck to die because you ate too much ice cream.

Think of explaining that to people in hell.

Seriously, it'd be really embarrassing.

I think that we need a counseling appointment.

Because we have a serious issue in our relationship.
And that issue is that you're trying to murder me.

Seriously.

Love,

Felicity