Well, on the bright side, I could have malaria! Or be on fire! Or have malaria and be on fire AT THE SAME TIME!"

I am a klutz. Not only a klutz, but a blissfully unaware, ditzy klutz.
My wrist is sprained. Again. Since this time last year, I think I have sprained my wrist six times or so. It's not fair. I sprained my wrist PLAYING FETCH WITH MY DOG once. Fetch! Seriously, wrist? You can't even handle that?
I am so accident-prone. It's ridiculous. Let me list my last few injuries:

• Sprained wrist from who-knows-what
• Cut on my finger from hitting it on the wooden frame of my window
• Rash from one of those jelly glow-in-the-dark hair ties
• Rash from shampoo
• Giant head scabs from combing too hard
• 7-week-old puppy scratch that bled FOREVER
• Blister on heel from not wearing socks with my rain boots (okay, that was preventable, if I had known it would happen!)
• Cut on thigh from toilet seat (I kid you not)
• Hurt finger from getting it slammed in a door
• Bruises on my thigh and arm on the right side, caused by slipping on ice

Those are my injuries in the last 3-ish weeks. I am far too accident and injury-prone for life. Please fix me. The worst part is half the time I don't even realize how badly I hurt myself until I try to do something and I'm like, "OW SHIT WHAT DID I DOOOOO". And it hurttttssss.
Anyways, aside from my many, many ailments, I found my vanilla chapstick and it makes me happy. Very, very happy. Sadly, I cannot eat it, despite how good it smells. And it really does smell good.